Regina Noctis

My left eyelid and eyebrow have both decided to twitch tonight. It’s been going on for fifteen minutes now, and shows no sign of stopping. I hate these little random muscular twitches. What the hell causes this random firing of muscles, anyway? I should go research it sometime…

Exhausting and difficult, but the end result is good.

John finally went too far even where my grandmother is concerned. He got kicked out. He just left.

Mom and I have no doubt that he will eventually be back, despite what he says, and probably sooner rather than later. And that when this happens, my grandmother will take him back in.

But at least for now, and probably for a day or two, we will have a break. And even after she takes him back in, things will be better for a little while. Any time we call the police or it reaches the point where he finds out everyone wants him to leave, he calms down for a while. It always goes back to the insanity, but it’s a reprieve and we all need it.

If I’m lucky, he actually won’t be back. I’m not gonig get my hopes up on that, but it would be a lovely thing, wouldn’t it?

This post, and all further posts related to my family, will be friends locked from now on. For years, Mom has not had the URL to this LJ and I could rant freely. But now she found a link elsewhere that leads here. She doesn’t mind that I rant here, or that people I’ve friended will see it. But she doesn’t want this to get around to all the Monkeys at MonkeyFilter. One of the few things she’s had that helped her cope with everything here was that she could go there where she has friends and no one there knew what her life has been for the last five years. She’d rather go on having a place where she can pretend that her life is normal. Out of respect for her wishes, I will friend-only these things from now on. I’ll also be going back through all the old posts once the last of my midterm projects is out of the way and making the old posts friend-only also.

For my web development class, we had to build a small site (minimum of three pages) incorporating the things we learned. None of it has been something I didn’t already know thus far, but I did learn some tips and tricks on using the things I knew before.

The site had to keep a common visual theme, and needed a navigation element, among other details. We had two weeks to do it. I spent a week trying to come up with something. I was completely blanking on content.

Then I made a fake newspaper article as a joke and posted it to MonkeyFilter, based around a bout of silliness in one of the comment threads. And it hit me. That’s what I was going to do… a parody of a newspaper, treating MoFi like it was a small time and this is their local news. I combed through old posts and comments until I found things to use for the various pages I planned, doctored or created graphics, and wrote up silly stories based on my chosen posts and comments. It’s full of in-jokes from MoFi, but I’m happy with it.

If anyone cares to take a glance at it, despite the high quotient of in-jokes, it’s here.

Hippo birdie two ewes
Hippo birdie two ewes
Hippo birdie deer ewe
Hippo birdie two ewes

Happiest of birthdays to Miss !

Love you lots, sister mine. *hugs*

Definitely NSFW. Definitely not for and (so if you click, don’t get mad at me. You’ve both been warned.) Definitely the laugh I needed to start my birthday off right.

Proof that the male half of the human species don’t need hands or feet to play the piano.

(Merrily stolen from a comment made on MonkeyFilter. I must remember to go thank the Monkey who inserted it into the discussion for starting today off right.)

TOOKIES, dammit! I STILL want some TOOKIES!!!!!!!!!

If things had worked out a bit differently while I was in the Bay Area, I would have held hostage until she made me a batch of tookies.

First midterm in… how many years is it now?… in the morning.

I hope my sleep disorders give me a break for once tonight. The lack of sleep has begun affecting my concentration and my moods…

Or it could just be my psychotic cousin’s very existence. That might have something to do with it.

Anyhow… Off to try and sleep. Nighty night, LJ-land.

I coulda sworn that it was two weeks until my birthday just yesterday. But then I was over on Monkeyfilter. The time there is a might bit ahead of ours, so even though it was before midnight here, the current date on the page is the 19th. I noticed the date for a change, and just sat there dumbfounded. Where did the time go? How did it go from two weeks until my birthday to “Holy shit, it’s day after tomorrow!” Which is actually the case for me at this end of the world now that it’s after midnight. It seems like the older I get, the more time accelerates. I can remember when two weeks was forever. Now I’m shocked that they’ve flown past and I didn’t even notice.

Right at the moment, what I want most for my birthday is sleep. I’ve had problems for several days now, getting somewhere from 2 to 4.5 hours per night. I should be asleep right now, but I tried and couldn’t get there. So I’ll fiddle around online for a little while, work on my term project for web development, and try again in an hour or so.

If anyone can figure out a drugless, safe way for me to get sleep regularly instead of having this fight with my multiplicity of sleep disorders, that would be the best birthday present ever.

Well, I loved the first half of the Farscape miniseries tonight. Unfortunately, it left off on a pretty major cliffhanger, and I won’t be able to watch the second half tomorrow night, since I have photography then. That’s too bad. Tonight’s episode absorbed me so much that it helped lower my blood pressure after spending hours absolutely furious. I’m sure tomorrow night’s would do the same, were I able to see it. Instead, I’ll just have to settle for enjoying the words of approval I got over on MonkeyFilter for the “newspaper” article I threw together using several of the in-jokes that float around that community. The comments were glowing enough that it even made me stop in mid-froth for a while to bask in the feeling that the work I’d done was appreciated. An indication of how much I sometimes need approval, I suppose (but then, don’t we all need some approval once in a while?) Normally, if I’ve worked my way into a good rage over something, a thing that only truly happens when I’ve been pushed repeatedly to the brink, everyone just has to wait until it works itself out. I’ve only known two things to stop me cold in mid-insanity of that sort. I’d thought there was only one… an unexpected visit from my . Apparently, there are two.

Since I’m getting all wound up again now that Farscape is over, maybe I should go back to MoFi and read those again. Maybe it’ll get me over my renewed anger enough that I’ll be able to sleep.

If only the wretching, choking, coughing, and desperate gasps for breath that I hear John making outside my room right now were not bad smoker’s hack, as it most likely is, but instead an overdose in progress. That would be so lovely.

*sigh*

The Farscape mini series had me so excited and happy. I mean jumping up and down, singing happy songs kind of happy.

And then things changed.

A little while ago, about a week ago, my fucking useless crazy immature ignorant criminal WALKING PIECE OF DISTENDED RECTUM SHITHEAD SELF-CENTERED SLIMY PSYCHOTIC ASSWIPE FUCKED UP AMORAL SPUTUM FILLED PIECE OF SHIT OF A COUSIN tore apart one of my mother’s tables and left it outside in the rain, along with a shelf of mine.

In the days since, he has been verbally tearing my mother and grandmother apart every chance he gets. But he has waited until I’m at school in order to threaten their lives, so I’m not around to call the cops. I don’t find out about it until sometime afterward.

Today, since it’s threatening rain, I went out to move the pieces of the table and the shelf back into the store room, in case we can get the table put back together. While I was there, I noticed a large box with my handwriting on it sitting outside of the storage room also. I figured I’d better move that back inside before it gets rained on also. The box had all my most special things in it, things my mother had bought me as my “hope chest” before I went out on my own, so I’d have kitchenware, dishes, glasses, etc. All of them were unusual and beautiful, and meant something to me because they’d been so carefully and thoughtfully chosen by Mom.

The only thing in that box now was a little bit of the paper I’d used to pack with, and a bunch of other empty boxes, also stuff of mine I’d brought with me when I had to move down here from the Bay Area. I know how I packed before I left. Those boxes were full to the top, every one of them. All of that stuff is gone. It couldn’t have been consolidated into other boxes, there was too much of it. My grandmother is convinced that it has been consolidated into other (still full) boxes, and told me that she expects me to go through all of them and make sure that my things are missing before I even think about pressing charges against John. I know that this is just to keep me from pressing charges at all. It would be months before I could go through every one of those boxes and then repack them.

I am so fucking sick of this. I did something I’ve only ever been angry enough to do one other time, and that’s forget my pacifism to the extent that I’d go and beat on a wall. Over and over. I couldn’t stop. If he’d been here, it likely would have been him and not a wall.

And my grandmother doesn’t particularly care that this rabid dog that she protects so faithfully is tearing my life apart, or my mother’s. Her own daughter, and she doesn’t care.

I don’t give a shit what grandma bitch says anymore. I don’t give a shit about my mother telling me that I have to obey her because it’s her house. It may be her house, but it’s MY life, MOM’s life, and OUR things that this asshole destroys, throws away, or sells for drug money. I am DONE. I’m making a list of what’s missing and I’m pressing charges. Grandma has been treating both Mom and me like we’re enemies somehow for several weeks now, since before this latest bout of insanity from John. Well, if I’m going to be treated that way, I might as fucking well live up to it.

New Farscape is on tonight on the Sci-Fi channel, 9pm!

*does the happy dance*

Midterms. Midterms midterms midterms.

I haven’t forgotten any of the folks who’ve asked me a question here or in email, or who I’ve been talking with and now have gone silent. I’ll start spouting off again when all of this is done with.

Back to studying.

Packing up and heading out to the Bay Area now. Back sometime Sunday evening.

, I left my cell number for you in a message on Yahoo, in case you need to get hold of me while I’m en route. I will ignore my usual custom and leave the cell on, in case. Will be great to see you, and the trip to Santa Cruz for the shoot should be lots of fun. Yay!

, I will see you tonight after you get home from work. It has been waaaaay too long.

, you can probably expect a call from me this evening to arrange when is a good time for me to show up on your doorstep Friday, and when you want to do the shoot.

, if you need to get hold of me, call me on my cell. We need to arrange when to do the photo shoot with you.

I probably won’t be checking in here until I get home. I pretty much ignore the online world when I’m out of town. So I will “see” folks here Sunday or Monday.

If anyone else wants in the Bay Area wants to see me while I’m in the area, call my cell and we’ll see what we can arrange. But this is essentially a working visit for me. I have an assignment in photography, and the photo shoots I’m doing come first. Hopefully, if anyone wants to hang out, we can schedule something around my sessions with my models.

For anyone who doesn’t have my cell number and wants it without digging through my journal for the entry I put it in, you can find it here. Note that this is a post locked down to a selected group. It’s possible that I forgot someone I actually wanted to give the number to at the time, so don’t feel slighted if you can’t see it. I was still rather in a daze that I, the person voted least likely to have a cell, now has a cell. Leave a comment here, and I’ll see what I can do once I get back home and get back online.

Text messaging to the cell is also on, and is set up to work through LJ, so if all else fails, have at.

The sleep disorders were acting up last night, and I wound up getting maybe, at most, 2 hours of sleep. I’m in no shape to drive anywhere, so it looks like I’ll have to give my morning class a miss. I hate that I’m missing even one class. The woman covers so much information, and none of what she talks about is in the book. We get tested on both the information from the book and from the lectures, so missing even one day can be pretty bad.

Besides all of which, I love my art history class. It covers a period and a place that has always fascinated me. Despite the way my hand feels like it’s going to fall off from trying to keep up with the lecture while taking notes, I always hate when the class comes to an end.

I hate my bloody sleep disorders.

Bozo the Fetish Clown, inspired by . NSFPrettyMuchAnyoneSane.

Yeah, you.

You know who you are. The one with the birthday today. Yes, YOU, !

Have a happy one, and an even better year to come.

*hugs*

Though you need to stop getting older, young lady. You and both. It’s making me feel ancient. :p