Community
Sometimes, I think I should just drop the communities I read. I mean, I hardly ever read them anymore. Most of the time these days, I take just long enough to catch up on what’s going on with my friends, and then dive back into some artwork, graphic design, or web design. Once in a blue moon, I might actually get around to reading some of the recent stuff in the communities, but never go back and try to pick up anything I might have missed. So I wind up thinking, “What’s the point of keeping this around when I mostly don’t bother anymore?”
Then I skim through some of one of them, and am reminded why I keep them around. Such as this comment in reply to a post on Metaquotes:
“Serverus Snape” comes from the same universe as “Luscious Malfoy”, Lucius’s secret twin brother who was disowned for working at Chippendale’s. ;D
Oh yeah, that’s why I don’t just dump my communities.
Unfortunately, I now just canNOT get rid of the image of Draco’s father doing a pole dance while trying desperately to disguise the disgust he feels at all the screaming Muggle women. Because, ya know, he needs those tips they want to shove in his g-string.
*wanders off to find the off switch for my brain*
Cat logistics
So then I get home from school, and get treated to this:
Alien-in-a-Cat-Suit: Out! Out! OUT! OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT!
Me: It’s too late to go out.
Alien: OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OUT! OUT NOW!
Manx: IN!
Alien: OUT!!
Manx: IN! IN! INNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
Me: It’s too late to go out. And you, get your orange butt into this house.
Alien: OMG!!!! BITCH! I SAID OUT!!!
Me: No, you’re staying in.
Manx: Oh, she wants out, and the door isn’t open very wide. I will be polite and sit here so the Alien can go out.
Me: Get IN here!
Alien: OOOOUUUUTTTT!
Me: No!
Alien: *attempt to slink around blocking foot* OUT!
Me: No, you’re staying in. Manx, get inside NOW.
Manx: I’m being polite.
Me: When are you ever polite to her?
Manx: What do you mean by that? I’m always polite to the Alien.
Alien: More than we can say about you, Walking Can Opener. Now let me OUT!
Me: *ignoring the Alien* You’re not polite to her, ever. Now come IN already.
Manx: I am the soul of politeness!
Me: Yeah? What about those times you grabbed her by the neck and tried to strangle her?
Manx: Hey, those attempted stranglings were done with the utmost politeness!
Alien: Wait, that’s right! He tried to kill me! *runs into the other room*
Manx: I changed my mind. I think I’ll stay out for a while after all.
Alien: *from the other room* HELP! HELP HELP! MURDER! HELP!
Me: Get IN here! *grabbing the Manx and hauling him in*
Whiskers: Amateurs. All of you. Amateurs. *slinks out the door unnoticed in the chaos*
Manx: I don’t want in! I want out! OUT! OUT OUT!
Alien: HELP! HELP! OMG HELP ME! THEY’RE ALL TRYING TO KILL ME!!!
Me: *slams the door closed* There. Now you’re all in, and you’re staying. NO ONE GETS TO GO OUT AGAIN, EVER!
Whiskers: *from outside* Ha! Amateur.
What I should have said…
Oh, is that you, Mistress of the Universe? I’m so sorry, I didn’t recognize you at all. My bad. I’m sure our teacher also didn’t recognize you, so he didn’t realize that you were exempt from the rules the rest of us have to follow. I’ll speak with him immediately and see that you get the A you so richly deserve to replace the C he so falsely assigned you for ignoring his instructions.
Surreal
I was in my mom’s room, talking to her while she fooled around on the computer, and my grandmother came in. Grandma had something in her hands. She told us that she thought we had no idea exactly how blind she really is, and asked us what the thing was. She said she found it sitting in the sink.
What she was holding was a long tube of plastic, closed at either end. Inside was something that looked at first glance like feces. It was like a segment of intestine, closed off at both ends, and full. It was pretty disgusting to look at.
Neither Mom nor I had any clue. Neither of us had even been near the kitchen sink. Mom poked at the plastic wrap, and she said that it felt like it was full of wet sand. We told her that since it wasn’t anything any of us had done or recognized, that she should throw it away. Grandma went off to do that and continue cleaning.
A few minutes later and she was back. She had a large, round, flat, pink, hard plastic thing with ridges on it. She wanted to know what it was. It had also been in the sink. It was another thing that neither Mom nor I recognized, and we certainly hadn’t put it there, any more than we had the other thing. So that was thrown away too.
The only person who’d been over when these things were discovered was Mark, a neighbor and family friend. We wondered if he’d been carrying them when he came over, put them down in the sink before he came to talk with us, and then forgot them. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d left something of his here. So we called him. Turns out they weren’t his either, and he also had no idea what they were. So he came over and opened the intestine thing, and it was indeed filled with what seemed to be wet sand. A small pile of the stuff has been deposited on the circular ridged pink plastic thing to let it dry and see if it looks even vaguely familiar then. I somehow doubt it will. Detective Mark’s investigation didn’t lead any further than ours. A mystery what those things are and what they’re for. The only thing we know for sure is that the pink thing says that it was manufactured in Massachussettes.
And the mystery about where it came from also continues.
My current theory is that the alien-in-a-cat-suit put it there. I’ve got a hypothesis going that they were components in some strange gadget she was making, or perhaps stuff she needed for maintenance on the spaceship she has hidden around here somewhere.
What a strange afternoon.
