I like to think I can be eloquent
And I’ve wanted to write about some things. But I just can’t find the words. When I try, it gets lost in this incredible upswelling of happiness, and I’m reduced to staring blankly at the screen and thinking, “Wow. Just… WOW!”
And I’ll be going off to see Mr. Wow in early July. I can’t wait! I can’t even be sad about missing BayCon this weekend, because there is a WOW in my near future.
Next year, I hope to be able to bring my WOW to BayCon. He’s geeky too, just like me, and he’d probably enjoy it. Besides, the only friend of mine who’s met Yar is drewkitty, and I know that there are others who want to.
About the only coherent thing I can say is that I keep expecting to come down off the honeymoon stage high. I’ve known Yar more than a year. I’m usually finding – and ignoring. or even actively shoving aside – warning signs that this is Not A Good Thing long before this. I’ve been very good at that form of self-delusion in all the bad relationships. It was even easier to do in the cases where the guy was actually a good person, but that there were obvious, large, glaring incompatibilities. I knew that they were there on some level, I just kept paddling deeper into that river I have so loved to spend a lot of time in, De Nile.
But not this time. There have been no little nudges from somewhere inside my head that I’ve then had to lock in a mental closet. No little voices giving warnings that I’ve had to ignore. None of that. Nor have I put him up on a pedestal like I generally have in the past with whomever I’ve been involved in. I haven’t felt the need to do so to drown out the doubts.
My subconscious has decided that this is all too good to be true, and has started presenting me with bad dreams. Not ones where Yar suddenly starts acting like the abusers of my past. Even my subconscious seems to find that entirely too unbelievable. Instead, the bad dreams have simply been that Yar changes his mind about how he feels for me and everything between us comes to an abrupt end.
Even I have to admit that I was more than due for something good. I’d never have imagined that it could be someone THIS good, though.
Just… WOW!
Uh oh, it’s magic
I had nothing in particular planned today, other than spending time talking with Yar. Since I’m sick, Juan has taken over the shopping and cooking, and Shaddy is taking care of some of the other errands, like getting the cars serviced and such.
And boy, did being sick give me a case of the gloom-and-dooms. Yeah, the problems I was rambling about before are bad, and it’s not an easy life. But as I’m recovering from the bronchitis, things aren’t looking anymore like OMG TRAPPED FOREVER HELP HELP.
My aunt Cheryl offered to come stay here for a while. A few days, a couple weeks, whatever we want. She’ll look after my grandmother and keep the household running, and my mom and I can get out of here for a while. I need that. Mom needs it even more. I at least got away for a while in January. She’s been trapped here in the house… and mostly in her room… other than doctor appointments, physical therapy sessions, and podiatrist appointments since early August.
It’s sounding like we’ll take Cheryl up on her offer, and we’ll head north, up to the area of Eureka and Arcata. We’ve been talking about moving to that area when my grandmother dies and we leave Delano. Everything we’ve seen and read makes us both think that it’d be a good area, and that we could afford to get someplace to live up there. But reading and pictures don’t beat actually looking around in person, so that’s what we’re going to do. I’m not sure when we’re going to go yet. Probably not for a week or week and a half at least, to make sure I’m over the bronchitis.
But in keeping with her theory that we both need time away from this house, my mom gave me a surprise this afternoon. Shaddy had been planning on taking his daughter to the Cinco de Mayo carnival today, but a heavy storm came in and he didn’t want to drag Jasmine around the carnival in the heavy downpour. So instead, my mom bought tickets for the two of them and me to go see David Copperfield on his one night performing in Bakersfield.
The 6pm show was sold out, so the tickets were for the 9pm show. It meant that I’d be gone for the entire time that I usually spend talking with Yar. Our biggest form of contact is the chat window on the game we both play, and that we met on, for two or three hours at night. I could only email him and let him know I wouldn’t be around. It comes on top of a couple shortened nights in a row thanks to school and/or family obligation on his side or mine. I hated to bail out completely on short notice, and I missed our nightly talk. But it’s not like I was going to turn down my mom’s gift of a $50 ticket, either. What I really wished was that I could have taken Yar with me to see the show.
I love magic shows. Love them lots. I’d seen Copperfield once before, 23 years ago when he did a show at DeAnza college. He hasn’t lost any of his skill. He still puts on a great show. I think the real evidence of magic, however, is that I’m definitely 23 years older, and he still looks pretty much the same. He probably sold his soul for the same semi-eternal youth package that Dick Clark bought. I have to admit that I missed out on a lot of the patter. Whenever he started talking, I’d start missing Yar and wishing that he was there next to me instead of Shaddy and Jasmine. But then he’d perform an illusion, and I’d be hooked all over again.
I will say he’s gotten a lot more casual with his shows than he used to be. Oh, there’s still lots of lights flashing and smoke drifting and wind machines blowing. But the silly, sparkly outfits are gone. So’s the bad hair (ahhhh, mullets back in the day people actually thought they looked good) and even he admitted that it was bad hair. He must be… what, early 50s? 52, according to Wikipedia. So it’s not surprising that he doesn’t do the death-defying escapes anymore. But he did do some close-up magic with cards, dancing tissues, etc. And he hasn’t lost a bit of his dexterity or showmanship.
Jasmine, who’s 7, was so wowed that after the show she kept asking where he lives. Turns out that she wants to figure it out so she can go live with him and have him teach her magic. And on the way home, though the rain had stopped, there was still heavy cloud cover. She was unhappy because she couldn’t find a star to wish on. She wanted to wish for magic, just like Copperfield’s.
